Women in Positions of Prestige and Power

For real.
Ok, so I'm in this elective at school, "Leadership in Pharmacy Practice". I picked this elective because as someone who is thinking of having her own pharmacy, or traveling within the profession, doing research, implementing policy, well-leadership could be useful. Plus, I figured I'd interact with more people in other classes, and work alongside people I don't typically work with. All around, a pretty good idea.

In this elective, we are going to work on a project with a leader in pharmacy in our area. Five local leaders have offered to help us out, including the Director of Pharmacy operations for Wegmans, Director of Pharmacy at URMC, Head of Pharmacy at Excellus BCBS, An owner of 8 local independent pharmacies, and the Dean of our school. They were very interesting Men. Men. Not a single woman. Why? Well, my guess is there just aren't a lot of women leading the profession in my area. This is simply driving me bonkers.
Bonkers.
I mean I knew they were all guys. We knew their names. They're big names around town. It wasn't really a surprise. I guess. But it didn't really sink in.

Lately this has been catching me a lot. It's not to say that women don't have positions of power, prestige, and great influence. They do. And it's not a hidden fact that even now men make more than women in a given profession, given the same experience, and same position.

Maybe I just hoped that it would change? Evolve?

Maybe women just don't want it? Maybe we have the opportunities, and just don't take them?

I've never really been excited about power. Or money. Or fame. Actually, all three kind of turn me off a bit, people get caught up in these ideas, and neglect the simple things. That's gross. Maybe this reflection is just me getting too caught up in it?

But it really, really, upset me. Maybe this is irrational. Likely. I'm not known for being rational.

I want to see women doing more. I want to see us grow into this role of equality that we allegedly have. I'm not convinced we have it. I'm not convinced that I personally need it. I'm just having one of those moments, I guess, where I feel like if I don't step up and ask for it no one will. It's like sitting in class, and the teacher is looking for participation. Everyone is doodling, or sleeping, or staring into space. And they are just waiting for someone to offer something. Anything. And I always end up giving in, and offering some lame excuse for an answer. Because the struggle is too much, simple as it is, for me to watch.

Maybe I have to step up and start. I mean, I do a lot. But maybe I need to be more loud about it. Gosh loud women really can drive me nuts. But I don't want my daughters to wish that the women before them did more. And, well, that would be me.

Can I have an impact without having wealth, power, and fame, in the sense that those terms are well known? I feel I set a pretty decent example. Up until now I have been focused on the small picture, the day to day, the family, the community. Can I broaden my focus, and reach out to the mid sized or even big picture, without neglecting what matters to be in my small town, my small home? Is that what has held women back? Or am I missing something else all together? Could be.

Ugh. I dunno. Maybe it's that I can see the light at the end of the school hallway. That things are on the right track at home, that I am being involved, and contributing. I have found my creative outlets, my hobbies, and been able to devote at least some time to all of this while in school. Maybe it's that I need to get the wheels turning on my next venture. Maybe it's that speculating about the big picture is a really good distraction.

Meh?

Blogging thru my quarter life crisis...

So, I decided on my way home today that I am, actually, having my quarter life crisis. That's right, I plan to live to 108. Or I'm a late bloomer. Or both. :) I thought I bypassed it, we did so much so early, the marriage, the kids, the house, the school choices...But after going back to school last week and really having the hardest time EVER with it, I've decided that must be it. It's not just school, it's a lot of things, adding up.

It's not that I am having regrets, or feel like my life is not going as planned. I'm not unhappy or unsatisfied. Maybe I am just incredibly bored with the day to day of getting up and going to school. This is my 5th year, in a row, of being back in school; Aside from maintaining relationships I do very little for 5 consecutive years. I am bored out of my mind. Routine is just not really my thing, I guess.

I blogged a bit, over the summer. I committed myself to blogging more often, and I did, I just didn't post them all on here. When I went back to do upload them, they were lame or out of date or both.

I still want to be a pharmacist, I just have lost all momentum and desire to go to school. Jon suggested senior-itis, maybe that's it. It is my last year in classes. It's not too challenging academically.

I'm really struggling with how I will practice pharmacy in the long run. I love my job, but I think it's largely because I love where I work, I like being in the community, I like the flexibility, I like working long days and less of them. I don't know if I'd be as satisfied working somewhere else. It's hard to say.

I still love my house, I have about 2 billion things I want to do here. I also want a tiny house, I want to travel.

I think part of it is I'm overdue to leave the states for a bit. My passport expired, and I'm trying to make that make me travel in country more. Thinking of CA in December, for the ASHP conference. Which brings me to residency choices, and limits our family vacation options. Pfff. Maybe it's fitting that I feel I'm having a bit of a crisis. I might as well accept it and try to do something with it, right?

So...I guess that's where I am...

Pharmacy Dreams

It's been a lazy Saturday here. Right now, the husband is sleeping on the couch, the babes is sleeping in her crib, the biggirl is reading books, and I'm just kinda sitting. I have a pile of cleaning to do, but that can wait. I just spent the last half hour researching and dreaming.

See, I have a lot of gigantic ideas about what my future holds, and what I want to do in pharmacy. I think that with 2 years of school left to go, its about time to really dig my heels in and start finidng the people I need to make things happen when I'm done.

I'm really frustrated by the state of the pharmacy profession, in general. A lot of things that have to do with the policy and the process and the way we operate here in the states really have been getting to me.

I'd like to see pharmacists helping more. I hate hearing about people taking more medicine as job security. Like it's a good thing, that people are sick and take pills. As if the pills will just fix it all, just like that. Sure, there are situations, diseases, circumstances where that might be a big chunk of the puzzle. But generally speaking? It just makes me go insane.

It's true though. The job security bit. Since so many pharmacies, retail and hospital alike, reimbursement, payment, staying a float, it's all about the numbers. I really don't give a rats ass about the numbers. If I can't work, because no one needs medicine, then I will find another way to pay my loans. I'd rather help enable people to take better care of themselves, treat their bodies better, know why they are taking what they are taking, and what other options there are. I'm not spending all this time in school to count by 5's and work on my carpal tunnel and varicose veins. And if there is no place where I can practice pharmacy at this level, then I'm going to have to create it myself. I appreciate that doctors want to prescribe and people want to take things to get better, I appreciate that we all want it to be fast and easy. But it just seems so silly.

Anyways.