Women in Positions of Prestige and Power

For real.
Ok, so I'm in this elective at school, "Leadership in Pharmacy Practice". I picked this elective because as someone who is thinking of having her own pharmacy, or traveling within the profession, doing research, implementing policy, well-leadership could be useful. Plus, I figured I'd interact with more people in other classes, and work alongside people I don't typically work with. All around, a pretty good idea.

In this elective, we are going to work on a project with a leader in pharmacy in our area. Five local leaders have offered to help us out, including the Director of Pharmacy operations for Wegmans, Director of Pharmacy at URMC, Head of Pharmacy at Excellus BCBS, An owner of 8 local independent pharmacies, and the Dean of our school. They were very interesting Men. Men. Not a single woman. Why? Well, my guess is there just aren't a lot of women leading the profession in my area. This is simply driving me bonkers.
Bonkers.
I mean I knew they were all guys. We knew their names. They're big names around town. It wasn't really a surprise. I guess. But it didn't really sink in.

Lately this has been catching me a lot. It's not to say that women don't have positions of power, prestige, and great influence. They do. And it's not a hidden fact that even now men make more than women in a given profession, given the same experience, and same position.

Maybe I just hoped that it would change? Evolve?

Maybe women just don't want it? Maybe we have the opportunities, and just don't take them?

I've never really been excited about power. Or money. Or fame. Actually, all three kind of turn me off a bit, people get caught up in these ideas, and neglect the simple things. That's gross. Maybe this reflection is just me getting too caught up in it?

But it really, really, upset me. Maybe this is irrational. Likely. I'm not known for being rational.

I want to see women doing more. I want to see us grow into this role of equality that we allegedly have. I'm not convinced we have it. I'm not convinced that I personally need it. I'm just having one of those moments, I guess, where I feel like if I don't step up and ask for it no one will. It's like sitting in class, and the teacher is looking for participation. Everyone is doodling, or sleeping, or staring into space. And they are just waiting for someone to offer something. Anything. And I always end up giving in, and offering some lame excuse for an answer. Because the struggle is too much, simple as it is, for me to watch.

Maybe I have to step up and start. I mean, I do a lot. But maybe I need to be more loud about it. Gosh loud women really can drive me nuts. But I don't want my daughters to wish that the women before them did more. And, well, that would be me.

Can I have an impact without having wealth, power, and fame, in the sense that those terms are well known? I feel I set a pretty decent example. Up until now I have been focused on the small picture, the day to day, the family, the community. Can I broaden my focus, and reach out to the mid sized or even big picture, without neglecting what matters to be in my small town, my small home? Is that what has held women back? Or am I missing something else all together? Could be.

Ugh. I dunno. Maybe it's that I can see the light at the end of the school hallway. That things are on the right track at home, that I am being involved, and contributing. I have found my creative outlets, my hobbies, and been able to devote at least some time to all of this while in school. Maybe it's that I need to get the wheels turning on my next venture. Maybe it's that speculating about the big picture is a really good distraction.

Meh?

Am I really still in class?

This class is painful. That is all.

W-w-where'd September go?

So, it's September 25th! What! I have NO IDEA where this month has gone. For reals.
No doubt about it...School's in full swing. SOAP notes underway, Pro-con debate is done (Oh yeah team awesome! Link to commentary on debate at Ginger's blog (http://gingerforhealthbenefits.blogspot.com/) exciting things happening in virtually all my friend's lives..babies, houses, new jobs, phew. For us, new dog (Bender, above), new old cars, and, it's fall.

So busy yes, happy yes, excited about the rest of fall, mega yes. Pumped that this is the last year in classrooms toomanyhoursaweek? Ultra mega yes.

Still on the tiny house hunt, and spreading tiny house fever. Looked at a few campers in the last month or so, but going with the idea of re-vamping an old pop up starting in the spring. I've been encouraged to find some folks that have pulled off the tiny house thing with kids and whatnot, although I think we are pretty content just using it for road trips and visits, rather than a whole lifestyle change. I read an interesting blog about the ethics of raising kids in a tiny house, and I really don't think that I can rule out the idea of having more kids in our future, or comprimising their need for space just because I think that tiny houses are so cool. Going with about 100 sq ft per person, were already looking at a not so tiny place for permanent living, not to mention the three dogs!

Still trying to figure out how to get my own pharmacy after graduating without winning the freapin lotto. A couple of weeks ago my bestie mentioned a program that they have in the UK where you can get an ancestry visa if you have a job over there for 2 years. Lately I have been thinking on that a lot, as opposed to a residency. It seems both more interesting and less selfish, although I wonder about finding a job in another country...It's not like Americans are the most impressive bunch, lets be honest, and that is pretty much the link of it all. It really seems like something I will devote some time looking into. I'm still not sure if moving to another country for a year or two is less selfish than moving to another state for a year, but it would be more of a job and less of an academic endeavor, and what an experience. It would be great to learn about pharmacy in another part of the world where practice is different. Just another thing to think about, I suppose.

The house is doing OK. I've been more motivated than ever to cut down on my stuff collections, although I still really like my stuff. I've found that it's easier to get rid of stuff when I can replace 5 or 6 things with one thing that I like a whole lot. Having my friend move in on work-trade was a good idea, she's been able to clean things that I haven't ever cleaned here, like the areas around the kitchen cupboard handles, and my kitchen floor is almost not ugly. Laundry is always done, so are the dishes. Granted, if we lived on multiple floors here this specific part of the house might not always be such a messss, but it might loose some of the cozy factor.

Well, there's an update. I've been thinking a lot, so it's likely that my blog posts will be a little more frequent in the weeks to come. I think I say that every time tho.


Hugs!

Pictures!

After posting one boring reflective post, and one uber cranky soapboxy post, I thought I would post some pics of things that make me absurdly happy.

Family, smiles, cute kids.



Oldtimey works in progress. Family heirlooms. Making old things work again.


Trees. Maine. Good times with good friends.



Hugs All.

ANOTHER oil rig blast? For reals?

What!

No, really? I mean, isn't the last one still causing issues? And the one before that? What part of maybe this isn't a good idea and we need a new solution isn't clear? If little overwhelmed me can get it....I just...I just don't understand...

Just saying. I can handle my own personal quarter-life crisis, but this is getting out of hand. No. Wait. This has BEEN out of hand.

Are we ready to resolve this as a group yet? Cause I'm getting sick of this. I'm already sick of a lot of things happening in the news lately. I try to keep it at bay, off of the FB, out of the twitter feed. But for freaking reals, already.

Health care crisis? Poverty out of hand. World hunger. Poorly distributed resources, worldwide. Racism? Islamophobia? Sexism? But keep infringing on religious freedom? Oil everywhere?

I am pretty dramatic, I know, but isn't it about time we start really making the effort here? I have been trying, in my own, small, ways. I am incorporating small changes, to work on all these things, in my community. I'm receptive to feedback. I can do more. But I can't do it all.

Something about lots of little changes going a long way? How many people are there in NY? In the US? How many people aren't making their tiny changes? Are here just for the party? Ugh.

Anyways. See ya later soapbox. Just had to get that off my chest.

Blogging thru my quarter life crisis...

So, I decided on my way home today that I am, actually, having my quarter life crisis. That's right, I plan to live to 108. Or I'm a late bloomer. Or both. :) I thought I bypassed it, we did so much so early, the marriage, the kids, the house, the school choices...But after going back to school last week and really having the hardest time EVER with it, I've decided that must be it. It's not just school, it's a lot of things, adding up.

It's not that I am having regrets, or feel like my life is not going as planned. I'm not unhappy or unsatisfied. Maybe I am just incredibly bored with the day to day of getting up and going to school. This is my 5th year, in a row, of being back in school; Aside from maintaining relationships I do very little for 5 consecutive years. I am bored out of my mind. Routine is just not really my thing, I guess.

I blogged a bit, over the summer. I committed myself to blogging more often, and I did, I just didn't post them all on here. When I went back to do upload them, they were lame or out of date or both.

I still want to be a pharmacist, I just have lost all momentum and desire to go to school. Jon suggested senior-itis, maybe that's it. It is my last year in classes. It's not too challenging academically.

I'm really struggling with how I will practice pharmacy in the long run. I love my job, but I think it's largely because I love where I work, I like being in the community, I like the flexibility, I like working long days and less of them. I don't know if I'd be as satisfied working somewhere else. It's hard to say.

I still love my house, I have about 2 billion things I want to do here. I also want a tiny house, I want to travel.

I think part of it is I'm overdue to leave the states for a bit. My passport expired, and I'm trying to make that make me travel in country more. Thinking of CA in December, for the ASHP conference. Which brings me to residency choices, and limits our family vacation options. Pfff. Maybe it's fitting that I feel I'm having a bit of a crisis. I might as well accept it and try to do something with it, right?

So...I guess that's where I am...